Uncover the you, you deny
“You're never gonna be content if you don’t try,
Try to see outside your line.
There you go, you did it again!
You act as if there's binder on your eyes.” - Glass by Incubus
When I was in my first 200 hours of teacher training, we did this exercise that blew my mind. I will never forget it because it made such a powerful impact.
We all sat in a circle and wrote our names on a piece of paper and then passed the paper around the circle. Each person wrote down 1-2 words that came to mind when they thought of the person whose name was written at the top of the paper.
The intention was clear - see how others see you.
When I received my paper back, which I still have to this day and reference when I need a confidence boost, I was shocked to find words such as - confident, aware, leader, kind, and even beautiful.
I have never thought of myself this way. It had me thinking.. Why are we so predisposed to see ourselves in such a negative light with negative self talk and what can we put into place to combat this way of thinking?
And I think that is just it - we are not “seeing” at all.
We are clouded by thought - often times very negative thoughts from beliefs and they come from all over the place. Maybe when you were a kid someone told you that you are not good at something and now you have this belief that you are just never going to be able to do advanced math.
Or maybe a lover (always wanted to use that word in a blog post) once told you that you don’t look good in yellow so you never wear yellow. These are just surface/superficial level examples but you get the idea.
We are also taught from a very young age that thinking highly of ourselves is a bad thing. Selfish, conceded, “full of yourself”, etc. It is okay to compliment others but not okay to compliment yourself. And if you do, 9 times out of 10 there is someone nearby who is full of negative self talk that will try to bring you down to their level. This isn’t their fault, they are just dong what we all do - limiting ourselves, our potential, and the amount of love we think we deserve.
There are a lot of external circumstances and factors that can lead to this negative way of seeing yourself and negative self talk. But the fix is all internal - there you have control. You have to be willing to do the “silly work”. Practices that seem silly and unimportant but have a major impact if done consistently. Here are some exercises you can try -
Stand in front of the mirror and close your eyes. Take 1-5 minutes to just take some calming deep breaths. When you feel relaxed and present, open your eyes and see the person looking back at you. See without the negative thought cloud - you are beautiful!
Keep a journal on you and each day write down 1-3 things that you have done that you are proud of either that day or in your life in general. This will have two positive effects - calling to mind great things you have done and inspiring you to fill the pages with new things to be proud of. These can be simple such as “I went to class today even though I was demotivated”. Seem like a small thing? Think again. This shows extreme dedication- a trait to be proud of.
Begin to say THANK YOU when people give you a compliment rather than argue with them. This is probably the weirdest thing we all do.
“Your hair looks great!”
“Uh, no you are crazy! I am a frizz ball.”
or
“Your drawing is beautiful”
“Thanks but it is not my best.”
Let’s not correct others when they try to compliment us.
Pick one or two of these and do it everyday - make it a routine. Frequency + consistency is the key to results in all things.
Bottom line? Life is too damn short for you to squash your potential and you have too much to offer. You owe it to the world and to yourself to get on board and realize your awesomeness.
✌️